I don't even know how to write this blog today. My heart is literally broke and so hurt. As you know, we have been battling something very difficult with Ahimsa and babies. I wrote a blog about it yesterday. Early evening, I had another long conversation with Dr. Darcy. Bless this vet for being so open to talking and discussing anything I need to, with her. The babies of Ahimsa all took a turn for the worse. It was decided in order to try to save mama, we needed to remove the babies from her care. It is with great sadness to tell you that each baby, one after another has passed away.
I have been with this litter most of the night, working with them, trying to save them, but to no avail. Dr. Darcy told me these kittens were likely not going to make it, but we tried. Talking with her, it has become obvious that Ahimsa has a primary viral infection that went septic.. Very bad news. To add to it, she most likely also had a secondary bacterial septicemia. Double bad news. These kittens had absolutely no immunity yet. She probably arrived with this virus within her. She appeared healthy--ate good, played, gained weight. But with the burden of delivery and the babies, it put her over the edge and has become very sick.
The battle is on to save Ahimsa. She has been receiving fluids, many antibiotics, meds to control her fever and TLC. Now it's a time-game--which will win first--her infection or the meds.
The kittens became weak, swollen feet (from the fluid leaking out of their vessels) and then stopped nursing. Could we have saved them if we had removed them from the beginning? Maybe.....but we had no idea this was going to happen. Yes, she started showing symptoms of her illness a few days ago. Normally with the meds given, most cats bounce back quickly which was the thought with her. This was not to be. She is still fighting today to survive.
Right now, Steve's and my 2 day off is on hold. I cannot go unless I feel strongly that Ahimsa is out of the woods. Today is a big day for her.
Death is hard. Losing our pets is heartbreaking. People say I am strong because I handle these deaths in a way that I am able to keep on going. To be truthful with you, I am not that strong. They hurt me so very much. I tend to take on the responsibility of their deaths. I value life and it brings much joy.While I may appear to "be ok", many times I am not. I am a private person in so many ways, and this is a category that I deal with privately. My cats in the house and Steve help me with this. And of course prayers.
When a person is surrounded by the happiness, friendships and love that we have here at FFRC, it rejuvenates us all. Grieving is ok--it's alright to grieve. But, I hope and pray, no one ever shuts the door to having another pet or the intake of another cat here, because we don't want to experience grief again. Grief will happen again and again here. It's part of life. But so is joy, purring kittens, happy adoptions, peaceful friendships, sleepy cats in the sun---the list goes on and on. Just look around. Life is all around us to enjoy. Soak it up and be happy.
No one has ever promised that Rescue Work is easy. It's not. It takes hard work, giving much of ourselves, always on alert to how the cats are, watching the kittens for illness, feeding many hungry tummies, working with adoptions, cleaning, educating people how to care for pets---the list goes on and on. If we let ourselves sink into the deep negative ways, then our energy is also there---not able to work for the good that can be done. So, once again, even with a very broken heart, I will, for myself, pick myself up and carry on. There's alot of cats here and "out there" that need our help. And in the meantime, please send good thoughts and prayers for Ahimsa. Thank you.
